I kept thinking today, why am I here in Beijing? What is purpose of my presence here in China? Is it just for study Mandarin, having fun, spending money for clothes and things? Or is there other reasons for me to be here? I know why I'm here.
I kept forgetting what the main purpose I'm here. I'm not sure for my real intention, sometimes it is clear and rigid, but not strong enough to be uphold for a long period of time. Sometimes it is all blurry. I don't have plans.
When people asked me, where do you want to go (travel) for upcoming holidays? I don't know.
What do you want to be in future? I don't know.
What do you will have for lunch/dinner today? I don't know.
It is not that I really don't know or something. But I just don't have a clear and confirmed answer for them. There something missing. Motivation, maybe?
Today the KPM seniors invited us (me and Naddy) to have dinner with the new comers (KPM juniors batch 95's ). Yes of course before this I am excited and really glad they came so that me and Naddy would have more friends from our batch (and not feel that lonely anymore). But the thing is, I don't feel anything today, even during dinner (dinner was great! the tomyam is delicious and the fried eggs too). What is wrong with me? Feeling empty inside. Hmmm
Although I'm not quite sure the reason why I'm here, but I really know what I wanna be what I wanna change (from bad to good) in me.
1) To become a better muslimah.
2) To inspire people with my experience.
p/s: LOL my post this time is quite a serious talk. >< Sorry if you can't relate, neither do I. I just typed what I think and feel, so the connection of the sentence is a bit......run off. --"
Some of my shots which I thought is a photogenic capture. lololololol ><